


in every room i search for you

by norikae



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Confessions, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Ki, Pining, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 07:29:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19001170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norikae/pseuds/norikae
Summary: Minhyuk throws his head back and laughs. "Yeah," he admits, freely. "But it was you and me, wasn't it?"





	in every room i search for you

"Ah, _fuck_ it."

Kihyun’s controller makes a clacking plastic sound as it hits the floor, going skidding somewhere under the couch - where, he’s currently too busy languishing to check. He's been trying to get the same hero for the past hour, and he doesn't know if he's just off today or something, but it just really, _really_ isn't working out.

God, he knows it's kind of pathetic playing Smash alone. But the alternative would be to call Minhyuk over, and he knows his best friend has a whole ton of assignments due this week. He’s been turning up to lectures looking tired, lately, eyebags grey and showcasing an impressive selection of oversized hoodies.

Kihyun had offered his help multiple times, only to be refused mulishly, lower lip jutting far out and an obstinate _I'll be fine, don't worry, Ki._ When Minhyuk says those things Kihyun accepts them, because he knows that Minhyuk knows that if he needs help all he ever has to do is ask.

...Which also unfortunately means he's down a game buddy.

 _You could play with literally anyone else,_ a logical voice inside his head that sounds like his mother’s wisdom (oh, what _she_ would call basic common sense) pipes up. _Your roommate, for one._

He bites his lip. _Well, yeah, but._

But Hoseok's thing, see, is the gym and the studio. If asked he would agree to play for sure, with that sweet nature and sweeter smile of his, and Kihyun knows he'd try his best, ask the right questions and really _focus_. But he wouldn't really be enjoying it the way Kihyun would want him to, and he detests imposing, so… there's that.

_Don't you have any other friends, dude?_

Well, yes, but he's hardly going to give Wonwoo from Accounting a call to ask him to pop on over and do battle, now is he. Kihyun stares glumly at Kirby's bubblegum pink visage and tries not to think about how things just _suck_ when Minhyuk isn't around. It isn't that serious. It really isn't.

With a grunt, he rolls himself off the bed and inspects the floor for the controller he'd dropped, the other clutched in his fist. It takes a while, but when he's retrieved it Kihyun slides them both back onto the console body and powers it off grumpily. In a further contrast to his usually careful treatment it gets shoved to the side of his pillow as he flops down onto it and grabs his phone, thumbing open a chat as he does.

 

_minhyuk_

last seen 5.43pm

 

He checks the clock. It's just around ten minutes to half past six, which means Minhyuk has actually been keeping to his promise and using one of those study timer things, or just actually keeping off distractions like he said he would do. It brings a half smile to his face. Idly his thumbs begin to move as he types.

_i miss u du_

-de. It's been like, four hours. Minhyuk's going to check his phone and come over to take him to the doctor for sounding unwell. No, won't do.

_wyd min_

No, no. That sounds too much like a greasy pick up line for his liking. Furthest thing from what's on his mind. And also, weird. This is _Minhyuk_ he's talking about, after all.

He pauses, fingers twiddling over his keyboard for a while. _have u finished your fucking assignments yet_

After a moment of further thought he adds, _dumbass_.

Sounds good. Just… just dropping him a message to let him know he's bored without his best friend there. Yeah. Works fine. Kihyun resolves to stop thinking about it any more than he really has to.

_Send._

 

\---

 

If Minhyuk stretched out his legs - just wriggled his foot outwards a little, really - they would be touching.

It looks like this: Minhyuk's dinky second hand couch, Minhyuk's living room, Minhyuk's TV. Minhyuk's seated sideways, knees bent and feet planted down, propped up against the arm of the thing. He's half using his phone, half watching Spongebob have an existential crisis over being ugly.  

Kihyun, by comparison, is folded quite small on the other end, as in, seated like a normal person who isn't occupying two peoples' worth of space. He's managed to stop jiggling his leg out of inexplicable nervous energy, but it's a near thing, and he can feel the urge to start again thrumming under his skin, an engine ready to whirr at _go._

"So," he says, apropos of nothing, and winces at how loudly it echoes in the limited air around them. He lowers his volume significantly to continue. "Are you okay?"

Minhyuk, when he glances up at him, is bright-eyed and slightly scattered. "Huh?" he asks, half smile lingering on his face like it always does.

Kihyun shifts a little, and tries not to stare at the proximity of Minhyuk's feet. "Are you okay lately," he clarifies, trying to sound nonchalant but also sufficiently concerned. "You didn't reply my text for three hours the other day."

Minhyuk is _always_ online. Unbelievably so. Sometimes he responds to a message before Kihyun swears he's even hit send. Three hours, in Minhyuk terms, is like taking a trip into the woods for days, emerging sunsets later haggard and weathered but thankfully whole.

"What text," Minhyuk asks, confused, and then his face changes as he appears to recall.

" _Ohhhhhhhh."_ He sets his phone down on the couch next to him (Kihyun winces - makes a note to remind him when it inevitably gets lost in the cushions) and curls in upon himself, bringing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them as he thinks. " _That_ text. Ah, I was rushing assignments, Ki. I didn't have the time, that's all."

Kihyun makes a face, and tries not to think about how he misses the warmth of proximity. "I mean," he says, "Yeah, but _three whole hours_. That's just not normal for you, dude."

Minhyuk does let out a giggle at this, abruptly jabbing out his foot and toeing Kihyun in the meat of his thigh. "I'm _fine_ , silly," he says again, pitch of his voice dancing up and down as he drags it out.

Then he switches gear in a blink. "Why," Minhyuk purrs, tone now teasing. "Were you _worried_ about me?"

"What the hell," Kihyun complains, turning around to smack the offending limb jabbing into his leg. Minhyuk makes a happy squawk and pushes his entire foot against him in retaliation, and Kihyun lets it stay there, resting against his side. He settles for playing along.

"I try to be nice to you and _this_ is the treatment I get?"

He's deflecting; they both are. There's something there that Minhyuk isn’t telling him about, and if he indulges in the nag of annoyance it’s not least in lieu of the hurt threatening to well up in his chest at the fact. He swats at the foot again. “Ass.”

"Nobody asked you to," Minhyuk retorts, sticking out his tongue and scrunching up his face in a show of defiance. “I’m gonna tell everyone about how you’re a big meaniehead.” He starts rummaging around in the space around him, hands slapping aimlessly at the couch and tossing the cushions off as he does. "Hey, where's my phone?"

Sighing, Kihyun sits up, gently hitting Minhyuk’s leg with the back of his hand to get him to move out of his way. From there he jabs a hand into the crack of the seat and feels around briefly before extracting the said object between his index and thumb; wordlessly, he hands it over.

“Oh.” Minhyuk clutches it gratefully in both his hands like he’s an otter who’s just been returned custody of its favourite rock, and beams with his whole face, slightly sheepish at the edges. “Right. Thanks.”

Leaning back into his previous position, Minhyuk’s feet coming back up to rest against him as he does, Kihyun merely looks at him for a while, trying to reconcile the pieces that just refuse to stick.

There’s an image there. He still can’t see. He opts for an eye roll, turning back to the programme. Minhyuk is engrossed in his phone before he speaks again. “Don’t mention it.”

 

\---

 

The sun is high and bright in the sky.

Far _too_ high and miles _too_ bright, if you ask him. Kihyun wrinkles his mouth into a pout as he considers the intensity of the lux, and wonders if it would be too pathetic of him to reach for the sunscreen again. He already knows the back of his neck is going to be red tomorrow.

"- come out of the shade and _play,"_ Hoseok is calling with great amusement, crouched over hands on knees as he squints across the distance in his direction. "Nobody comes to the beach to hide out of the sun, Ki, you're ruining the entire point."

Jooheon and Changkyun jog up beside him, arms slung lovingly around each others' shoulders. "Yeah, hyung, come out and get some sweet, sweet, vitamin D."

That's Changkyun, of course. Jooheon cracks up, shoving him away. "What is that even," he asks, "It sounds like you're telling him to do something else."

Like a spring Changkyun rebounds and the two join back together, settling into place with an ease belying the relatively short duration of their co-association. His mouth curls at the corners, smug; Changkyun only shrugs and says, airily, "I said what I said," and together they both start chuckling, clearly amused by their own jokes.

"You guys aren't helping at all," Hoseok whines, but it's tinted heavily by a fond amusement when he shoves the unit lightly so that they shake. "Minhyukkie, help me make Ki play!"

Oh, no. "Hyungwon isn't playing either," Kihyun hastens to point out, nearly desperately. "Why don't you guys make _him_ join?" He ignores the aggravated slap to his side the accusation nets him in favour of trying to get an answer.

Hyunwoo pops up behind Hoseok, smiling in that benign way he has. "Because we only need six players, and Hyungwonnie called dibs," he informs Kihyun, very democratically.

Next to him Hyungwon lets out a harrumph of glee. "Yeah, Ki," he echoes. "I called dibs."

"When," Kihyun demands, unwilling still to give in. "I don't remember this.”

Jooheon chimes in informatively. “Last week. We had lunch and Hoseokkie-hyung reminded us we were coming. I've never seen Hyungwon-hyung's hand shoot up _so_ fast.”

Kihyun frowns. “I don’t think I was there,” he says, “There’s no justice in this.”

“Yeah, well,” Jooheon shrugs dismissively, Changkyun nodding in support from his perch on his shoulder. “Sucks to be you – oh, hey, Min-hyung.”

Kihyun barely has the time to drag his attention away from the duo before Minhyuk is coming up to them in a flurry of sand and energy. “Ki, Ki, Ki Ki Kiiiii,” he chants, grinding to a halt in front of the umbrella. “Come play with us, c’mon, we need a sixth player, please.”

Filled with dread, Kihyun blinks slowly and musters the courage to meet Minhyuk’s gaze head-on. Even prepared, he has to force down the hitch in his throat at the way Minhyuk’s turned all of his attention on him, shifts uncomfortably at the weight of that doe-eyed, pleading regard.

“…No,” he mutters, looking away. It’s really more for his own dignity, now. Suddenly he would do anything not to have to bear Minhyuk’s wibbling lower lip, his eyes turned wide in question.

“Please?” Minhyuk asks, wrapping his arms around his knees and resting his chin on them. “I wanna be on your team. We can beat the muscle hyungs if only we believe!”

Despite himself Kihyun gives it some thought in interest. “Isn’t the demon duo on the same team, though,” he points out. In the distance he thinks he might hear Jooheon say something like _hey, leave me out of this, Changkyunnie’s the only demon here._ “That would make us opponents if it’s three a side.”

Minhyuk waves dismissively in the direction of the others, gleaming and waiting in the sun. “We’ll split them up,” he snorts, “It’s you and me, remember? We’re the A team. Everyone else comes second."

 _You and me._ He hates the way it sounds right, has to shake himself out of the wistful feeling that comes upon him at the thought.

“…Whatever,” he concedes, weakly, to the sound of Minhyuk's unabashed cheering. Kihyun pretends not to feel the weight of Hyungwon's watchful gaze when he grunts, manhandled into a vice grip of an embrace, “Yeah, okay. I’ll play.”

 

 

 

It's hours later, the sun sinking into the water and dying the sky and sea an orange too vivid to be real, that Kihyun sinks into an exhausted squat on the edge of the shore, toes on the border between land and ocean. When the waves shift in they lick at his toes, and he relishes the relief, considering briefly stripping his shirt off and going for a swim.

"That certainly was a game, huh."

Without his notice Minhyuk has appeared beside him. Kihyun squints up at his silhouette as he flashes him a quick smile by way of greeting and plops himself down on the sand unceremoniously, sending small dust clouds ballooning in his wake.

"We got trashed pretty bad," Kihyun offers by way of reply. Where the sun meets the water its massive luminous yolk seems to grow more succulent still, a meniscus of light straining at its edges, heavy on the downturn.

Minhyuk throws his head back and laughs. "Yeah," he admits, freely. "But it was you and me, wasn't it?"

Kihyun turns to give him a look, only to find Minhyuk staring intently back. "...And Changkyun," he manages, tugging the words out of his mouth and kicking them so they stay afloat. "Three of us aren't exactly sporty boys international, huh?"

There's - there's something in the way Minhyuk hasn't looked away, now. His gaze flickers down, briefly, lashes dark and dusting his skin for a moment. In the dying day the shadows streak unnaturally long across the curve of his cheek, and Kihyun wants to reach out and touch.

Then he looks back up, his blink uneven, and his eyes crease when he sees Kihyun staring. "What?" he asks, voice hoarse like sand. "Is there something on my face?"

Half in shadow, half luminously bright, he is devastatingly beautiful, looks like yearning.

Kihyun's heart is a bird batting wildly at the base of his throat. "Nothing," he blurts immediately, and then realises how ridiculous it sounds. He scrambles to fill up the space. "You, uh, look nice, today."

For the briefest suggestion of an instant Minhyuk looks caught, taken entirely off guard. His face falls slack, brows upturned in surprise for a moment -

\- before he’s laughing with reckless abandon, the hoot he has when something has inexplicably delighted him beyond measure. Reaching over, he shoves Kihyun in the shoulder with the palm of his hand when he asks, “What is this,” the words flat and muffled through the edges of his teeth. “I know I’m sweaty as hell, but so are you, dude!”

Kihyun blinks, trying to catch up. “I wasn’t being s-” he starts, then his brain kicks into gear and he backpedals, realising just how close he’d just come to sounding stupid. “You’re - you’re grosser than me,” he says instead. Curses the way his voice skips, hopes Minhyuk doesn’t notice.

The glee he’s faced with only intensifies. “But you _loooove_ it,” Minhyuk sing-songs, unfurling from his position to drape himself onto Kihyun sideways, skin sticky and sweaty and warm. He follows when Kihyun begins to try to wriggle away to escape contact, his voice crescendoing. “You love _meeeeee_.”

“Says who,” Kihyun grunts weakly, still attempting to escape the grasp that has visited itself upon him. They fall into a grapple; Minhyuk’s grip is tight and impossible to shake, and tighter still when Kihyun overbalances with the effort, tipping over and hitting the sand with a thump that knocks the air out of him, the other boy squealing with delight as he goes down, too.

The sky is an oddly saturated blue, the way it is when the sun has finished setting but the night hasn’t decided to settle completely down yet. Kihyun stares at it for a while, winded, hazily registering the presence of stars as Minhyuk’s head shakes his ribcage with the force of his laughter. Jostles his bones, his lungs, the bird in his chest still threatening to tear loose. Beats a tattoo that sounds familiar, and feels like going home.

“We need to go back to the chalet soon,” he says eventually, when Minhyuk has calmed enough to be a weight somewhere on his sternum, and nothing more. “There’ll be no food left otherwise.”

A resounding _hmmmmmm_ is his reply. “It’s okay,” Minhyuk decides eventually, pronouncing it almost officiously. “We’ll just get something along the beach before we go back.”

“Whaaat,” Kihyun whines, wriggling his torso so Minhyuk’s head slides around as well, grazing bumpily against his bones. “Get off, I don’t wanna spend money on food when we could just have it for _free._ Off, Min -” He intensifies the squirming. “Off -!”

“Hey, hey, _hey_ , stop that - stop, _stop!_ \- I’ll pay,” Minhyuk manages through his own giggles, settling only when Kihyun does as well. A warning swat is aimed in the general vicinity of his upper torso, and when Minhyuk drops his head back down it is heavily, like a demand for penance. “I just wanna stay with you a while more, that’s all.”

 _How can he just say things like that_ , Kihyun wonders. _Like it isn’t a lot._ God, it really, really isn’t fair. His mouth is dry, all of a sudden. He tells himself it’s the overexposure to the sun.

“Just don’t go, then,” he mumbles halfheartedly, a complete about-turn from his attitude just minutes prior. One hand drifts to rest just touching a lock of Minhyuk’s hair, close enough for security, far enough to be casual.

He can feel Minhyuk’s smile in the air between them, even if he can’t see him, even if he hasn’t said a word. “I won’t,” he quips, cheekily, “And I won’t move, so you can’t, either.”

The summer air is muggy, and the sand sticks unpleasantly to their skin. Against the beach the waves are a rhythmic lap, a soft persistent _whoosh_ that lulls Kihyun into a half doze, mind fuzzy but for Minhyuk and the stars and the shore.

They lie there until the bugs get them, and Minhyuk rolls off him with a pathetic wail about how itchy he is, reaching out his hand to help Kihyun up, and then they sit at a small eatery facing the sea eating _pajeon_ and _jjigae_ and talking until the nice lady is gently shooing them away so she can close up for the night.

When they finally, _finally_ return to the others, grinning sheepishly at how long they’ve been gone, there’s an odd sense of comfort, Kihyun thinks, in the way nobody asks where it is they’ve been.

 

\---

 

“Don’t think too hard,” Hyungwon quips mildly, head on arms and sprawled across the wood of the large cafe table, “You’ll strain something.”

Kihyun makes a disgruntled noise as he glances up from his phone, clicking his screen shut on Instagram, where he’d been mindlessly scrolling for something to do without actually paying any attention. “I’m not thinking,” he says automatically, then regrets it when he does. “I mean. I am, just not about anything special.”

Hyungwon’s large, round eyes are bright in his face, and distinctly unimpressed. “Sure,” he says, clearly not buying it at all. “If you say so.”

They’re early - or rather, everyone else is late. They said they’d meet for dinner at six, and it’s just about half past now, but less than half the party is here, Kihyun having arrived on the dot and Hoseok with Hyungwon in tow more or less ten minutes later. So they’re stuck here, killing time. At least Kihyun doesn’t have any places to be.

“What are you getting at,” he sighs, knowing there’s no point trying to fool Hyungwon. He’s incredibly astute when he wants. He sets his phone face-down on the table, and tries not to wince when he’s reminded of the polaroid he carries around on display in his transparent phone case.

Hyungwon doesn’t miss it. “I wonder,” he murmurs, quietly, sounding less mocking now, only contemplative. Then, “I’ve known him forever, you know.”

He remembers. Friends from the first day of grade school, or so the legend goes. “Yeah,” Kihyun says, unable to help the way he’s suddenly fallen subdued. “I know.”

The other boy is still looking at him, searchingly, unusually solemn. “So I know what it looks like,” he continues. “He’s unbearably easy to love, Min.”

Kihyun’s head snaps up in alarm. “I’m not - that’s not what this is,” he says quickly, hands flying up palms out in an expression of denial. “If you’re saying what I think you are. I.”

Minhyuk is _his_ best friend, but he’s everyone else’s, too. It isn’t exclusive - Hyungwon is right. He is, and everybody is in love with him, or at least must be. Kihyun feels as if he is always lagging one step behind.

"I never say more than I mean," Hyungwon tells him plainly, a barely perceptible smile tugging at the edge of his features. "He's easy to love. That's just who Minhyuk is."

For a moment, he really, truly doesn't have anything to say. Kihyun stares dumbly at Hyungwon until his voice finds itself, just loud enough for him to say, "Yeah. He is."

"Hey guys, what're you talking about," Hoseok chirps, popping his head back into their respective fields of vision. He's back from the toilet, tiny warm smile infectious.

Hyungwon cranes his head up to look at him and smiles like a cat, welcoming and pleased. "Nothing much," he tells him. "We should've just booked for 7."

Hoseok grins at this as he takes his spot next to Hyungwon. "But then everyone would turn up at 8," he points out helpfully.

_"HiguyssorryIoversleptbutI'mherenowwhatdidImiss?"_

At a sudden voice the three of them glance up to find Minhyuk standing at their table, panting like he's just run a long way. Kihyun feels his spine go rigid, glances at Hyungwon to see him staring straight at him when he says, casually, "Oh, hey Min."

Minhyuk is all blinding bright teeth as he recovers and tugs out the chair, claiming his spot next to Kihyun. "Hey Ki. Hey guys." He squints around. "Wow, the others are late, huh."

It prompts Kihyun to check his phone. "Oh, Hyunwoo-hyung went to pick the other two up and found them having an...incident," he reads off the group chat. "He helped clean up, but they'll be here soon."

"Incident?" Hoseok echoes.

"Bet 'kyunnie was trying to bake something again," Hyungwon says darkly, with the tone of a man who's seen carnage and knows of its cost.

Kihyun shrugs, and turns his attention to Minhyuk instead. "How did you _oversleep_ ," he asks. "Don't think I missed that part."

Minhyuk flushes obstinately. "I just wanted an afternoon nap! Stop looking at me like that..."

Eventually the other three do arrive, the younger two having the decency to look sheepish as they trail in behind Hyunwoo. "Changkyun said he would bake me brownies," Jooheon announces, avoiding the other's scrambling attempts to clap a hand over his mouth. "All he baked was our entire kitchen."

Changkyun seems to take offence at this. "That…isn't untrue," he admits, the finger he's held up in protest wavering a bit. "But I made brownies too! Something came out of the oven!"

"You know, they were definitely a shade of brown," Jooheon concedes generously. "But that doesn't mean they were brownies."

In the midst of the bickering that ensues they place their orders and lapse into a comfortable, easy sort of talking. At some point Jooheon cuts in while Hyungwon and Hoseok are co-narrating a story, and asks, point-blank, “How are you guys still together?”

At their ensuing blinks he seems to realise how it sounds, and backtracks, shaking his head and waving a hand in front of him. “Ah, no, no, not like that. I mean, like.”

He sets his hands on the edge of the table, fingers curled, and concentrates very hard on something in the distance before he speaks. “Like... you two are the only ones of us who are attached. And you're really good at it, you know?..." Jooheon rests a cheek on a hand, looks back up at them both contemplatively. "How do you do that, I guess is what I'm asking."

Hyungwon and Hoseok share a glance; the latter is first to speak. "I think it helps to know what you're looking for," he starts slowly, mulling it over at the table. "Like, different sorts of relationships work for different people, you know? I won't die if I don't see Hyungwon every day, for example, but some people aren't like that."

"You would miss him a lot and never shut up," Changkyun points out helpfully. "And we would bear the brunt of it."

A slightly glazed over look comes into Hoseok's eyes. "Well, yeah," he says, wistful. "But his happiness is more important to me, so."

"You guys are gross," Jooheon says offhand. "But also like, really amazing. I wish I could find something like that. You know?" At the last part of his sentence he's turned more to the boys right next to him, voice dipping out of the larger group conversation.

Hyunwoo nods in agreement and asks Jooheon something, to which he replies - Kihyun can't quite hear, and Hyungwon's leaning in to their side of the table now, gaze intent. "Anyone caught your eye recently?"

He's staring straight at Kihyun.

 _Chae Hyungwon, you bastard_.

"Uh, not - no," he stutters, lying through his teeth like Hyungwon surely must have expected he would. "It's like. Uhm. Wow. I think we should talk more about. The kind of person we'd like, you know? Hypothetically. If we liked someone."

Hoseok beams at this. "Oh, yeah, okay! Hyungwon and I don't count, so. Minhyukkie, you go, you go."

"Ah, me?" Minhyuk's reply comes naturally, and he pushes his chair backwards as he seems to give it a good think. He seems relaxed, scrunching his mouth up into a pout as he ponders. "I guess… someone who's always by my side, that's a really important thing."

Hyungwon snorts, and kicks Minhyuk from his spot diagonally across him. "No shit," he says, with all the dismissiveness of a long time best friend. "Can we get something more specific."

"Ow," Minhyuk mumbles, briefly dipping as he stretches to return Hyungwon's favour. "Um, someone who has a cute smile." He looks up and must catch Hyungwon's warning gaze, because he hastens to add, "And is really funny, and sweet, and will entertain me, but can help me focus when I have to, too."

"And passion. You know, when he's talking about something he cares about, and he just lights up, and he's brighter than the sun?" Unprompted, Minhyuk is still speaking. His chin digs into his steepled hands as he continues.

"And he works hard, and takes care of other people, but sometimes he just needs to take care of himself too, you know?" Abruptly he glances up, blinking rapidly, and colours. "I mean, that kind of person."

"...Wow," Hoseok says, softly. "Minhyukkie, you must have somebody very dear to you."

"Me? Ahahaha!" Minhyuk's voice is high pitched in his denial when he straightens, hands a blur waving in front of him. "No, no, I thought we were just talking about hypotheticals! A hypothetical person!"

Hyungwon snorts, his mouth pulling apart unevenly in that way he has. "Sure, dumbass." He glances at Kihyun before looking back to Minhyuk, reaching a long arm across the table to flick him in the forehead. "I definitely believe you."

Well, Hyungwon does have an infuriating way of nearly always being right. Kihyun swallows the lump that has inexplicably formed in his throat, takes a long drag of his drink, and politely excuses himself _to the toilet for a bit, yeah I know where it is, I'll be right back, alright?_

 

 

 

After, he finds himself seated next to Minhyuk by Cheonggye stream, cross-legged on the bank and staring at the clear water as it peacefully trickles by, a gurgling song in the still of night. The others had left a while ago, all tired and ready to go home, but Minhyuk had shuffled up to him and quietly confessed he was still a little hungry, did he want to hang out and get a snack and talk?

The convenience store ice cream is melting in his hand. Kihyun licks desperately at it, lets Minhyuk laugh at him when he notices. "What the hell," Minhyuk giggles, "You look like a dog doing that."

Vengefully, Kihyun directs one narrowed eye in Minhyuk's general direction as he focuses on salvaging his dessert. "Speak for yourself," he mumbles grumpily, "This thing melts too fast."

Minhyuk hums again, unfolding his legs and sticking them out so his feet dangle above the water, content. "You eat too slow," he pronounces. "If your mouth was as good as mine you wouldn't be facing this problem."

There's a dirty joke to be made here somewhere, but Kihyun doesn't even have the heart to go for it. "Talk and entertain me while I eat, then," he quips instead. "If your mouth is so great."

Minhyuk lets out a delighted whoop that startles a couple walking together on the opposite bank. Kihyun sends them a vague look of apology they probably can't see.

"Never thought you'd be telling me to make more noise rather than less," he crows victoriously. "Okay, I wanted to tell you. So you know that kid Jaeseok in our essay class?"

Ah, yes. The boy who sits in the front row of their compulsory module, answering every question like he’s the smartest person on earth, and has the gall to act smug even when he gets them egregiously wrong. Kihyun, as Minhyuk well knows, _hates_ him. “Yeah,” he says, anyway. Takes a bite of his cone. “What about?”

“He was talking really loud to Hakyeon the other day,” Minhyuk informs him, leaning forward after a quick look around like subterfuge is in anyway necessary before he continues. “Bragging about what he did over the weekend and shit, right?”

Kihyun nods, taking a moment to slurp up the cream. “All par for the course,” he says. “And then?”

Minhyuk scoots closer, and moves into Kihyun’s space, wide-eyed and focused. At his proximity Kihyun offers his cone, which distracts Minhyuk for a split second as he tilts his head to take a bite, chomping happily when he does. “Ooh, thanks,” he coos, pleased.

He takes it back, resumes his leisurely consumption. “‘Welcome.”

“I should try that one next time,” Minhyuk says, thoughtfully. “Oh! But anyway! Right! And he said this - you won’t believe this - he said this one, _really_ special word -”

“He has a girlfriend?”

“ _No!_ He has a girlfriend!” Minhyuk announces excitedly, expecting Kihyun to be surprised. Then he processes, belatedly, what Kihyun’s just said, and deflates just a little bit. “Aww. Wait, you mean you knew?”

“No.” Kihyun laughs, knocking his shoulder into Minhyuk’s as he finishes off the last of his cone at last. “But you seemed so excited to tell me, there wasn’t anything else it could be.”

Minhyuk scrunches up his face. “You’re no fun,” he proclaims, shoulders hunched and arms wrapped around his knees. “But anyway. Can you believe that. _He’s_ attached. Him! If he can find love, then what does that say about _me_?”

It’s said jokingly, the underlying joke being _I can’t believe the universe thinks the annoying guy in our class is more desirable than I am._ But there’s a slight strain to Minhyuk’s voice that tells Kihyun it isn’t said entirely in jest. Minhyuk has always seemed a little bit lonely, despite his light. Maybe it’s because nobody can keep up with him.

“Hey,” Kihyun says, quietly. “There’s a whole world out there who loves you. It’s just up to you to pick the one.”

Still pouting, Minhyuk looks up at him, the line of his eyes unsure, wavering. “Do you really think so?”

He laughs, and reaches out to ruffle Minhyuk’s hair. “Of course,” he says. _Like me_ , he doesn’t.

Sometimes he feels like a satellite, bound to orbit a star at the same distance indefinitely. Only one of so many privileged to be near something so bright. He brushes it off, and pulls away, staring at the holes in his jeans in lieu of a continuation.

Minhyuk looks at him for a while longer, features dim in the distant fluorescent light, and then shrugs. “Okay,” he says, suddenly. He pushes off and turns around, heading for one of the flights of stairs that will take them back to street level. “Let’s go back, I’m tired.”

“What - _Lee Minhyuk_ ,” Kihyun grumbles, but he follows suit, trotting after him down the quiet side roads.

They reach the train station. On the platform where they will ride back in different directions Minhyuk suddenly turns to him, mood ponderous, and opens his mouth. “Ki,” he starts. “I want to say.”

Kihyun looks up, surprised, and slides his phone into his pocket. “Yeah?”

Minhyuk stares at him for a while, looking slightly washed out under the harsh glow of the subway lights. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, and he blinks rapidly like he’s really, truly trying to _speak_.

It makes him think of the earlier conversation. Suddenly Kihyun is nervous, irrationally afraid, and he is grabbing at a tightrope waiting to fall until Minhyuk says, voice cracking on the downturn, “Ah, you know. Get home safe.”

Kihyun cracks a smile, brave against the way his heart is jackknifing through his chest, the seastorm brewing heady inside his skull.

“Thanks, Min.” He replies, has to stop to pause before he can continue. The tides are crashing; its waters run deep. “You too.”

 

\---

 

Kihyun closes his laptop and shoves it into his bag, zipping it up and slinging it over one shoulder. Beside him Minhyuk is slower - he’s got a notebook and multiple pens out even though he never uses them in class, opting instead to online shop when he gets bored. Kihyun huffs a snort, amused, and gently knocks a foot with his to get his attention.

“I’ll wait for you by the door, okay?”

Minhyuk glances up, dropping his pencil case into his backpack. “Okay,” he says, cheerfully, and goes back to fiddling with his stuff as Kihyun heads down the lecture theatre steps to go wait by the door, pulling his phone out to check his social media feeds as he does.

He ends up waiting leaned against the wall for longer than he’d strictly expected. Curiously, Kihyun looks up to see Minhyuk engaged in an active conversation with a small group of their classmates. It looked like they must’ve just melded into a de facto gathering, gravitating towards Minhyuk, who hasn’t moved from his seat.

A fondness bubbles in his chest, but it’s tinged with something more wistful, too. Minhyuk looks away from the conversation, like he’s searching for something, and when his gaze finds Kihyun’s he waves to the others and jogs down the steps towards him, arms flailing excitedly all the way.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he says, embarrassed, as he reaches Kihyun and they both turn and start walking. “They were just. Jiwoo wanted to talk about question four, and then the others came over and then it just sort of became a complaint session about this class.” He pouts a little bit. “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

“It’s okay,” Kihyun says, shrugging a little. He can’t blame anyone for wanting to spend time with Minhyuk, after all. It would be hypocritical.

They step out onto the college green. It’s a little bit chilly out when the wind blows, rustling through his t shirt and settling into his skin. Instinctively Kihyun ducks towards Minhyuk, who has on an oversized denim jacket.

He feels the other boy glance down questioningly, and because he’s never been the brightest when it comes to situations of self preservation Kihyun looks up, his line of sight tripping straight into Minhyuk’s and catching there.

Minhyuk’s eyes are wide in question, hair mussed and fringe haphazardly poking into his eyes. In the sun he is alternately shadowed and limned gently in light. He tries, he really does, but Kihyun is suddenly hypnotised, and cannot bring himself to look away.

“Ki?” Minhyuk asks, confused as they both come to a sort of fumbling halt. When the wind blows it shifts his hair across his oddly princelike features. “Ki, is something wrong?”

His name has always felt so safe in Minhyuk’s mouth. Suddenly guilty, Kihyun shakes his head, shaking himself obstinately out of it. “I’m fine. Just a little cold, that’s all.”

For a while it seems as if the denial has worked. Minhyuk takes him by the elbow and leads him a little way until they’re standing in the shade of a building, sheltered from the breeze. Then he stops, navigating Kihyun so they’re standing face to face, and lets him go, saying, “Hey.”

Kihyun doesn’t really know what to say, so he doesn’t, opting instead for shoving his hands into his pockets and blinking owlishly in reply. “...Hi?”

Minhyuk’s looking at him like he’s a riddle he’s trying to puzzle out. Then the crease of his brows suddenly smooths out, and decisively he’s stepping in towards Kihyun, hand back on his elbow, and his voice is a whisper, saying, “Please don’t let me be wrong.”

Easily, he’s moved into his space. Kihyun feels his heart stop, hears every beat of time twice as slow when he processes Minhyuk’s nose come to settle a hair’s width from his, thinks their fringes must be catching when their foreheads thud together just so.

It is so easy to lean in and complete the touch.

Minhyuk’s lips are cold, but he can’t find it in himself to mind when they step in to each other and there is the warmth of an embrace. Hands settle on his lower back; he closes his eyes and presses in further, trying to work out how to express a feeling he hasn’t quite learned yet how to say.

They pull apart. "Oh," Kihyun breathes, watching Minhyuk's lashes flutter in the cool blue gloom. "Oh," he says again, suddenly shy.

There’s a grin threatening to break out over Minhyuk’s face, and Kihyun can barely bear to look at him when he says, earnestly, “I’ve been wanting to do that forever.”

“You have _not_ ,” Kihyun grumbles, embarrassed but unwilling to extricate himself. “There’s no fucking way. I would’ve noticed.”

“No offence to you, Ki,” Minhyuk says, fondly, brushing his fringe way from his face. “But I couldn’t have been more obvious if I tried. I was dying trying to keep away from you that week, and hell… it really didn’t work.”

Kihyun narrows his eyes. “What week,” he says, and then, “Wait - you mean the assignments? I thought you were just stressed - !”

Minhyuk really does laugh out loud at that, knocking their foreheads together with a little bit more force this time. “Who, _me_?” He snorts. “See, oblivious.”

His head is spinning, reloading the events of the past few months in a new light. “I didn’t think - you’re _you_ , and” - _I’m_ me _, and it would never have happened._ He doesn’t say it, even if it’s what he’s thought for so long, because suddenly it feels silly, the words hollow in his mouth.

Minhyuk is looking at him anyway, with an affection that feels unbearable until Kihyun realises it’s the way he looks at him, has always been. “Stop looking at me like that,” he huffs, pushing Minhyuk’s head away and beginning to walk off. “Let’s go - go do something. Or just go home.”

“Kiiii,” Minhyuk whines, but he’s following obediently, chasing after him. He holds his hands out, grabby, as he does. “Let me hold your haaaaaand.”

“Only if you can catch me,” Kihyun declares, then shifts into a sprint, laughing at the sound of Minhyuk’s aghast cry behind him.

He does catch up. Their first date is a straightforward movie-and-dinner, except that they’re so busy talking that neither of them can catch the plot, and they decide to hold their own movie night after, tucked away in the apartment Minhyuk rents with Hyungwon, a collection of animated dvds as their kingdom.

And in the morning, when he stumbles upon them both curled in on each other on the couch in front of TV static, Hyungwon will say, _I told you so._

  


**Author's Note:**

> [twt](http://twitter.com/frogbabey)


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